by Human Book Deborah

I am a human book because I am a survivor of family violence spanning 25 years by my intimate partner. As a book I have the opportunity to present an accurate, truthful and appropriate to the age group I speak to, account of my life with an abuser.

I want my retelling of those experiences to inform younger people who, lacking experience of family and partner abuse may unwittingly begin a relationship with an abuser. Knowing the subtle signs of being abused can help a person cease an abusive relationship or not to start one.

The best question I have ever been asked was from a student in the group I spoke to asked for elaboration on coercive control. What are the signs of abuse aside from the more obvious physical forms? This question gave me the opportunity to discuss abuse that may not be picked up immediately by a younger, naive person.

I am originally from Brisbane Qld and moved to Tasmania in 2011. I now live on the North West coast of Tasmania, by the sea.

The best experience I’ve have had whilst being a book was speaking to an older cohort of students a female took me aside after my speaking and told me how my talk describing the subtle forms of partner abuse reinforced what she’d already learned about coercive control and she was now determined to break up with her boyfriend, realising that he was controlling her.

One thing people can do to make others feel more included is in cases where victims have lived experience of family abuse and disclose that abuse to others, believe that person, don’t judge them nor tell them they are lying about or exaggerating abuse. Tell that person you will listen and support them where you can. Those words to a victim mean the world to them, believe me!